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November 18, 2009

I may be paranoid, but not an android.....

This post was originally going to be a rant.  But after about 20 minutes of ranting I felt that I was being a little paranoid. One of my greatest fears of writing a personal blog about my life and my family was that someone would take something I wrote or said personal.  The internet can be a cruel place where its easy for people to hide behind user names and identities while passively telling someone off. I was reading someone else's blog today and I was wondering "is this person talking about me?"  Maybe he/she was, maybe not, I don't know.  I just felt a little paranoid about it all.  One of my greatest gifts is my empathy for others but the negative aspect of that is over sensitivity.  Its a daily balance, but what is life, if not for growth. So, I decided to still publish the post, because its one of the most honest things I have written.  Enjoy the paranoia!

I consider myself a nice person.  Sometimes a little too nice.  I have taken a lot crap from people who assume they know something about me and my life.  I decided a year and half ago to share my experience with autism in order to help other parents avoid the crap that has been dealt to me.  No agenda, no delusions of grandeur, no other purpose for presenting my story other than to help parents get the services they need. Mine has been the experience of misinformation.  You see, I realized early on that many individuals out here don't really give a damn about my family or my families experience.

Oddly enough for all the opinions out there, people are very touchy.  I find the autism community in general to be one of the most sensitive around.  I get it.  Its personal.  I know because I am the first one to tell someone off who dares look at my children wrong.  Oh and if I happen to be talking to people who aren't "autism aware" and they say something even remotely bigoted about the autism epidemic, you better believe I set them straight.
My number one rule in dealing with opinions is;
Recognize the real enemy - I don't criticize other parents.  I don't go there.  Its not my place. What do I look like sitting her writing or talking about other moms and dads, who the hell am I to judge someones experience? I am a card carrying member of the golden rule, I don't want it done to me I don't do it to others.  I don't criticize individuals on the spectrum - how can I claim to be some sort of proponent for inclusion and uniting the community if I can't get along with the individuals who actually have autism.  I describe what has been said to me or what I have witnessed, but I never, never assume I could ever know what is in someones heart and mind.  If they choose to share it with me so be it.  The real enemy is callousness and insensitivity.  That is who I want to fight with and do at least once a week.
Many people like to talk.  Talk talk talk talk talk.  People like to talk about themselves and their experiences and their opinions and they like to think they know something about someone else, but they don't.  These same people can't even begin to speculate as to what my family has gone through or what a typical crazy day in the life of us entails.  I get pissed off because I put myself out here in the blog world and on internet radio, because I get tired of seeing the same faces talking about autism, the same faces answering questions about autism, the same faces directing the dialog on autism.  The faces don't look like me and they certainly don't share my story.   Its not all good, its not all bad, it certainly isn't easy.  I am sorry if I have offended anyone in my quest to bring some different aspects about families and autism to the table.  Get over it.  I have.  My life will not be like anyone else's and I will continue to talk and share my personal opinions.  Maybe I'm paranoid and no one really cares what I have to say, but as a little variation on the well known saying goes, just because I am paranoid doesn't mean no ones talking about me.
For those who love the song...
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